My Wall is Better Than Trump's Silly Wall.

I Still Can't Believe Trump Is Serious!

In a campaign season dominated by the ridiculous, one recurring theme stands out, Donald Trump's border wall.  To a person opposed to illegal immigration, as I am, the idea of building a wall to keep illegals out sounds like a good idea - for about six seconds.  It takes very little critical thinking to conclude the idea is not only ludicrous but an unworkable waste of resources.

General George Patton is often quoted as saying, "Fixed fortifications are a monument to the stupidity of man. Anything built by man, can be destroyed by him." This speaks to the first and most obvious reason we don’t need a wall. From the moment the first shovel of dirt is drawn, efforts to defeat the wall will begin. A physical obstacle, as often as keeping some people out, draws others toward it with a desire to thwart or destroy it. Drug runners and coyotes will enhance their reputations, and thus their paydays, by creating ways to overcome this fixed barrier. If it works at all, it will work for only a short time. Walls, locks, doors, etc. are all created to keep honest people honest. Dishonest or desperate people will eventually render these things obsolete in pursuit of their needs.

The "They-can-do-it, why-can't-we?" Argument:

Have you heard this old saw? “Israel has a wall and it works!”

Well, it works most of the time. People often do get over, under or around it. And the Israeli wall has a luxury we don’t have in this country - a nearly inexhaustible supply of personnel to man it. They have mandatory service and huge military reserves per capita. These troops need something to do while not fighting a war. To man a 400 mile wall is no great challenge. And it is not against the Israeli Constitution to do so.  Conversely, we have two problems. Our wall is supposed to be almost 2000 miles long. Manning it the way the Israelis man there’s will be mighty unpopular, especially among the soldiers sent to do it. Then there’s the little question of the Constitution.

Oh, I can hear the outcry already from the Wall lovers. Well, Obama didn’t follow the Constitution or the law when he redefined immigrants and even telegraphed his desire to have more people cross the border illegally!

I agree with that 100%. Obama has abetted criminal activity on the part of illegals. He should face charges. He won’t, of course. But you don’t fix that with further debasement of the same laws. This country is not ready to have federal troops manning checkpoints and possibly aiming weapons at us. Civilian entities charged with doing so are stretched thin. They will not be able to cover our Wall the way Israel does theirs. And we have no provision for the Army to do it.

I Stole Donald's Idea...Sorry.

With all this in mind, and eager to demonstrate how competition is good for the buyer, I hit on an idea last week.  I sent the Mexican Embassy in DC the following email.

To: His Excellency Miguel Basanez Ebergenyi, Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary

From:  Matt Jordan, Author, Not at all extraordinary.

 Sir,

 I have been watching Donald Trump going on about building a wall for a year now.  In his words, "It's going to be a great wall; a GREAT, GREAT wall.  Let me tell you."  Then he always goes on to say, "And Mexico is going to pay for it, believe me."  Why would you do that?  I am not altogether sold on the idea of Trump's wall, but if Mexico is interested in paying for a wall in the United States, why wait until election day?  

 I was recently combating erosion on my property and hit upon a brilliant idea.  It's a win-win for everyone involved.  I already built a wall.  It is...well, perhaps not great...but it's pretty nice.  And it is very practical.

 My idea was to let Mexico pay for this wall instead of the Trump wall.

 Think of the advantages with the deal I am offering.  It's quick, easy and far less expensive than the deal Mr. Trump is offering.  And the work is already done!   Frankly, I don't see why you would even consider what Mr. Trump is offering.  It sounds terribly pricey and does nothing for the curb appeal of either country. 

If you prefer my wall, and IF Donald Trump becomes president and says it's time to build a wall in the U.S., you can say, "No problem.   We already built one in Mississippi.  But good luck building yours, Donald."  And if Donald is not elected, his campaign can say,  "Well, at least Mexico was nice enough to pay for a wall, anyway."   Trump saves face.  Everybody wins!

 I've taken the liberty of attaching the invoices for my retaining wall.  The total comes to $182.74, USD.  I subtracted $15.26.   You shouldn't have to pay for my light bulbs too.

 But wait!  There's more!

 In the spirit of international cooperation and because I had a great time in Playa Del Carmen, I am not going to charge you for labor.  So, you have that going for you.

 Thank you for your time.  I look forward to your considered reply.  And I sincerely wish you all the best.

 Very Respectfully,

 Matthew E. Jordan III

 Yes, I really sent the receipts and pictures of my tiny wall. I hope the Embassy takes the email with the humor intended. I hope they enjoy reading it. I hope they actually cut me a check.

My Wall. An ankle-high marvel of engineering.

The funniest send-up I've seen on the Wall issue was the treatment it received in South Park.  In the episode, Canada decided to build a wall to keep Americans out.  Needless to say, Americans had all the reactions you'd expect.  Insult, resentment, curiosity.  All the Wall really did was to interfere with the natural rhythm of life on the border and hurt both economies.  

When asked what Canada was hiding behind the wall, the response was one that will become legend in comedy history: "[long pause]...Don't worry ah-boot it."

The Wall That Never Was (A Remake)

Another reason to reject the wall as ludicrous is that it will never, ever be built. I am of the opinion that the wall talk is just a populist rant. It gets good poll numbers among those who believe it. But let’s assume Trump is sincere. He REALLY wants to build the wall. They’ll start it. There will be ribbon cuttings and politicians with chrome-plated shovels turning over clods of dirt. Men with hard hats will move in and get to work. From that day forward, every foot of the structure will be challenged in court. There will be case after case, genuine and frivolous, filed. Most will be from landowners or environmentalists representing every species living within 100 miles of the wall. They’ll all get their hearing. Injunctions will roll out by the wagonload. Work will stop and start. Contractors will have to give up to control losses. After a few years it will be announced that due to costs and interference the wall won’t be built. Or it will just be left to die quietly with no announcement. But I can assure you that at the end of Trump’s tenure, whether it is four or eight years, there will only be a few sparse, abandoned sections of what was intended to be a wall from the southeast tip of Texas to the Pacific. It will be exactly like last time when we were promised a wall in exchange for amnesty for millions of illegals.

The only way we will reduce the numbers of illegals coming into this country is to make it as uncomfortable as possible for those who try. Enforce existing law. No welfare, no food stamps, no Medicaid, no housing assistance for illegals. And damn sure, no Social Security! If churches and charities want to try to provide all that, fine. Their illegal beneficiaries will still be deported when caught.

If the federal government is too corrupt or cowardly to enforce its own laws, states and municipalities have the right to declare themselves illegal alien no-go zones. By not enforcing the law, the federal government forfeits the right to interfere in such enforcement by state and local government. If, for example, Jackson County, MS decides it wants no illegals there, they have a right to pass laws proscribing the hiring or housing of illegals.  It would be the equal opposite of sanctuary cities.  Just watch the real estate values shift!!!

It will take real effort on the part of those against illegal immigration to force corrupt politicians and their crony business partners to follow the law. I doubt 98% of the people reading this will ever lift a finger.

Matt Jordan is a travel writer, political commentator and author of Street Politics: It Aint Your Daddy's GOP Anymore!

Kindle Version, STREET POLITICS: It Ain't Your Daddy's GOP Anymore!